Many people suffering from phobias attempt to pursue the course of greatest safety being preoccupied with security. Inner emotional conflict and anxiety are not dealt with. Disturbing sexual thoughts or aggressive impulses are repressed (i.e. ‘Out of sight out of mind’). However when the defense mechanism of repression begins to fail, trouble ensues. For example, …
When we’re in the grips of jealousy it overwhelms as if we’re in a state of possession. Looking closer into jealousy we can also find some or all of these: feeling abandoned, small, helpless, afraid, dependent, ashamed, judgmental, attached, anxious, revengeful, needing to be loved, angry and enraged. No wonder it’s such a complicated emotion …
It’s others who have success, money, fulfilling work, a great sex life, comfort, happiness – not me! Do you sometimes catch yourself enjoying finding fault in others? Do you get a secret pleasure when an angel falls? Sound familiar? Relax, you’ve just entered the major leagues and committed one of the ‘seven deadly sins.’ If …
Conscious or not, a man’s greatest fear may not be death, but the fear that he has not lived his own true life. I know when men in their 40s, 50s and up come to therapy, outside of their immediate concerns, want answers to questions like: “What are the tasks that somewhere deep down inside …
By the time men reach their middle years they have to be able to deal with two powerful emotions, namely grief and anger. If grief and anger are pushed away and denied they automatically produce depression. Grief is honest, and while it is painful to express, it is cleansing and healing. For example, men must …
Relax… Everyone Knows About it! There are some people who get caught up in a selfish and what we call ‘egocentric’ lifestyle. The egocentric person expects life to serve and gratify him and acknowledges no greater authority than his own wants. He tries to control and manipulate his own environment and especially others. He may …
Falling from a cliff, a house, the sky, etc., is a common theme in dreams. These falling dreams sometimes occur when we’re living with unrealistic ideas about ourselves, make lofty and grandiose plans, or deny reality under a veil of forced optimism. Dreams are messages sent to us from the inner world and point to …
Prime time for following the soul’s call is in late adolescence /early adulthood or in mid-life when mortality becomes personal. Anytime is a good time to explore one soul’s visions and it’s never too late. Ojai itself has been a catalyst for starting a new phase in many lives. Lots of folks who live here …
This article is dedicated to my friend Succino. Succino has had many incarnations in this life including but not limited to being a family man, a social activist, a craftsman, a horse-racing aficionado, a Buddhist monk, an attendant in a Christian Monastery, a student at Oxford University, a psychotherapist, a painter, a servant in the …
Reflections on the Dark Side of Our Personalities. One of the most painful and rewarding experiences in life is to unblinkingly look in the mirror and see who we really are, not who we would like to be. There we truly stand alone; most people can’t do it. Arrogance, greed, selfishness, grandiosity, possessiveness, vengeance, envy, …