Reflections on Innocence

by Peter Milhado PHD on November 3, 2017

There are quite a few people who are tremendously influenced by the archetype of Innocence.  After all, we are born as innocents, aren’t we?  People who believe in reincarnation might argue that point, but I’ll hang with Sheldon Kopp on this one.  He takes the ‘concept of reincarnation’ to be a symbol of the many opportunities for psychological and spiritual rebirth all of us get in this life.  Freedom comes when we become aware of how our modern society, our families and our early wounds tell us how we ‘ought’ to live our life.  Once we become conscious of these soul-wounding instructions, we can choose another script for our life altogether.

I’ve experienced that – but I’ve not experienced a past life.  For myself, I also accept the notion of Karma – which certainly could be paradoxical with meaningless suffering all around us, but like the poet said ….”I give myself the right to contradict myself!”

Carol Pearson Ph.D., whose great work this article is based on, gives us three stages 1) Original Innocence, 2) The Fall, 3) The Return to Innocence.

Original Innocence

I’ve seen too many patients in the last three decades, who desperately cling on to the state of original innocence and get devastated and bloodied up by life.  In my experience they’re very sweet souls with many virtues.   They’re usually kind, trust others and learn from them and keep hope and faith alive… They know how to have fun!

We all need to start each new beginning or endeavor with some innocence.  One of the major temptations of the “Innocent” is to ignore pain and suffering.  Denial at this level has an addictive quality.  They do not let themselves know what is really going on…this may hurt themselves and others.  Their intuition usually points to their inner truth, but they ignore it, therefore betray themselves.  There is often a tremendous need for external affirmation, giving too much power away to their bosses, husbands, wives and other so called ‘authority figures’! They trust when trust is not warranted.  The ‘Innocents’ goal is to remain in safety and their biggest fear is abandonment, which ironically, they unconsciously conspire with and set up.  The ego, in all of us, desperately clings to safety, it is the soul who wants to live!!!!  So, the shadow side of innocence is denial.  It’s too painful to acknowledge that your parent or lover can’t be trusted, that is why there is a tendency to walk back into the same abusive situation again and again and again…. If we deny we are being abused we don’t have to stand up for ourselves.   This is especially painful for children who blame themselves for being abused rather than confront the abusive parent.

In a way ‘Innocents’ are absolutists – they either hang on to purity by denying their and other people’s faults or guilt and shame controls their life.  They’re tossed back and forth between perfection and idealism or disillusionment and cynicism.  Some young women, who are anorexic or bulimic, refuse to ‘fall’ into puberty and having a woman’s body and therefore sexual body, to avoid their loss of imagined innocence.  Early sexual abuse is often in their history.  (Woodman)

Another shadow side of the ‘Innocent’ is a need to be taken care of.  If you’re that good, the universe should provide!  They have difficulties chipping a piece of the earth out for themselves.  On a deep psychological level they want to merge and go back into the womb of the “Great Mother’.  Many ‘Innocents’ had mothers who couldn’t mother.

The Fall From Innocence

If the reader can hang with a religious metaphor… the image of the Garden of Eden symbolized innocence.  When the serpent seduced Eve and Adam into eating of ‘The Tree of Knowledge’, they fell from paradise into a world of suffering and pain.  The tree of knowledge let them know that not only ‘good’ but also ‘evil’ exists.  The fall is from ‘innocence’ and ‘wholeness’ into dualism.  (Re. The realization that there is both ‘good and evil’).  For some, the serpent is a symbol of Satan, for others a symbol of consciousness.  It’s very easy to see evil around us,….the out of control violence, abuse of power,  judgement, greed at the expense of others etc.  It’s much more difficult to acknowledge that cruelty also resides within.  That’s why religious fanatics, whether in Islam, Hinduism or our own Christian religious right don’t cop to their own cruelty.  They only see it on the outside, because they are ‘Innocents’.  They misinterpret the saying by Jesus “Except ye become as little children, ye shall never enter the kingdom of heaven.”  Before you get to this place you have to take along, hard and courageous look into the mirror.  Let me tell you, I’ve seen enough spouses, children, neighbors and acquaintances of these religious zealots to know different.  They are mean and cruel suckers.  If we project our faults unto others we don’t have to change!  I have no doubt that that ignorant maniac Osama Bin Laden thinks himself an ‘Innocent’ – but the bitter and sad truth here is that most of our national leadership in business and government also do   – we haven’t had soulful leadership in this country for many, many, many moons.

Return To Innocence

The fact is none of us live in Paradise and none of us are pure innocents in this world.  There is inevitable failure in all of our lives.  We all get hurt, whether it is by teachers, parents who abuse power, or by tragedies that we have no control over.   All human beings experience major betrayals, it’s on the map for all of us.   If we continue to unconsciously cling to ‘Innocence’, our thirties and forties give us another shot at realizing the ‘Fall’:

- a woman puts her husband through law school and he leaves her for a trophy wife

- a husband slaves at a burdensome job to support his wife and children… and she absolutely needs a divorce to ‘find herself’

- after 20 years of preparing for your vocation as a Psychologist a twenty-two year old clerk hired by the intrusive and greed based managed health care insurance company tells you how to treat your patients – otherwise they’ll ‘cut you off’.

The truth as I know it is that we cannot develop depth without pain…. We cannot live life without risk.  People who want to be safe at all costs have lost passion and are overtaken by emptiness.  Eventually, many ‘Innocents’ realize that challenging their anxiety and fears is less painful then accepting the status quo of a chronic depression.

So, as with any other archetype, virtue or attitude towards life, what is critical is whether we are conscious or unconscious about its influence on our life.  If we unconsciously cling to ‘Innocence’ we end up in major trouble and betray ourselves as well as others.  On the other side, we need to be able to stay consciously connected to ‘Innocence’ through the ‘Fall’ until the end of the journey in this life.  Unconscious ‘Innocents’ need to become wise in the ways of the world.  On a deepest spiritual level it is safe to trust, but don’t leave your wallet or purse on a park bench while you go to the Post Office – even in Libbey Park.  They need to be able to size up others realistically, not on how they wish them to be.  Like all, they have to be able to deal with disillusionment, failure and defeat as well as experience rage, sorrow, despair and primal sexuality.

The conscious and healthy ‘Innocents’ are able to forgive themselves when they make mistakes and ‘fall’.  They become wiser and less naïve as they journey through life.  They have faith and hope when the world seems bleakest.  It is only in a state of innocence that mystical experiences and miracles happen.  To the conscious innocent, dreams are letters of the soul.  Deep inside our souls is Eros, a life force of energy and passion.  Only through spontaneity, courageous openness and innocence can we get to it.  Another worldwide symbol of innocence is the ‘Virgin’ which doesn’t necessarily imply physical chastity, but rather a state of wholeness – one who is in herself or himself whole- not the property of any man or woman.

One for all and all for one. Love to Mother Meera

Peter Milhado © 2015

{ 0 comments }

I Don’t Want to Be Part of This Revolution if I Can’t Dance

by Peter Milhado PHD on October 3, 2017

Are you a Fool?  For God’s sake let’s hope so, because it is the Fool inside of us who lives more in the ‘here and now’ than any of the many of our ‘inner personalities’.  The Fool inside doesn’t care whether we’re good looking enough, healthy enough, wealthy enough, working hard enough, smart enough, man enough, woman enough, or successful enough.  It is the inner Fool who helps us give up living lives that do not fit our souls, imposed upon us by the insane dictates of our consumption oriented society and sometimes our families. Achievement and material possessions are secondary to fully living in the moment without neurotically worrying about tomorrow in anticipatory panic of impending loneliness, illness, or poverty.  The Fool finds joy in life as it is and to pick up on my last article… the Fool invites ecstasy!  The dance is here for it’s own sake (Pearson).

Damian, an old friend of mine, who works as a psychologist in a metropolis south of here has the best conscious connection to the ‘archetype of the Fool’ of anyone I know.  He answers the phone differently every time it rings (at home that is).  That’s one of the reasons why I call him at least twice a week.  Last time he answered, “Hello, this is James, the butler…my mistress Helga (his wife’s actual name), the most relentless dominatrix this side of the Rhine river, is tied up right now…Oh, sorry I have that upside down.  However, if you’d like for me to whip up an appointment for you… Call back next week…we’re booked.  In spite of the recession, our business is smashing!  Call after eleven am…. No early risers…please!”  He’s been the same ever since I met him back in ’68.  Outside of his relationship to Helga, his friendships, his camping trips and his excursions to Mexico, I’m convinced it is his soulful connection to the Fool and trickster inside that have helped him survive the contaminating insanity of LA all these years.

What’s essential is that we have a conscious and deliberate relationship to the Fool inside, because the Fool will show up anyhow.  If not invited consciously he’ll break through in his negative form…this is true especially if joy has gone out of our lives.

The Dark Side of the Fool

At it’s best the ‘Fool’ brings fun, creativity, playfulness and joy.  At worst he brings self-destructiveness, manipulation, deceit and isolation.  The Fool is connected to the most primitive instincts and drives within us.  When we let our appetites become out of control, the Fool has gotten the best of us.  This happens when people tell us what we said and did at the party last night and hide our face in shame, because we were blind drunk… or when we find we are about to become a parent because we forgot about birth control in a moment of unbridled passion.  The unconscious Fool’s lust is disconnected from any responsibility or sense of love.

The shadow Fool’s motto is ‘If it feels good do it!’ without any thought to consequences.  He tricks some folks into doing drugs, leaving a good job or relationship just to meet an impulsive need.  He can even lead one into criminal behavior and embezzlement (“no one will ever find out”).  The ‘unconscious Fool’ causes a split in some people’s personalities… most of the time they lead a rather conventional life, but they are never safe from compulsive eruptions of lust, greed, drunkenness etc. – they truly and simply become stupid.  At worst gluttony, relentless self-indulgence and total irresponsibility set in.

The Wise Fool

The Fool’s connection to the instincts and basic animal drives should never be repressed, because if we’re disconnected from our primitive instincts we loose our ‘zip’ and all of our energy!  This primitive energy, however, needs to be harvested and channeled consciously!  The wise Fool is never bound by the rules and conventions of society, but he does know the rules…he just manages to play the ‘game’ effectively.  He’s a shape shifter who can wear the appropriate persona (social mask) at the right time, depending on circumstances.  It allows the world to be seen from different perspectives

The wise Fools know they are not their roles.  Their motivation is to utilize the Fool’s personality in the service of soul, not to gratify some narcissistic or manipulative ego need.  When we let go of the need to be important we can open up to laughter and life without judgment, anxiety or despair.

So the best of the Fool is that he allows us to enjoy life in the here and now, without judgment but also without illusions.  He brings us down to earth and punctures our deceit, arrogance and self-importance.

The Fool is often behind Freudian slips as in the case of the overly ambitious and manipulative junior executive, who wanted to make an impression on his boss’s wife.  He compassionately inquired about her sickly daughter, Regina, saying, ‘I hope your Vagina is doing better.’, in front of the whole office crew.  The Fool always flattens an inflated ego.  Let’s hope the junior executive got the message.

When the Fool is not present in our lives we become uptight, anxious, bored and depressed.  Special thanks to Carol S. Pearson Ph.D. for her many contributions.

One for all and all for one. Love to Mother Meera

Peter Milhado © 2015

P.S.  If you are worried what the neighbors think, the Fool won’t show up… Guaranteed!

{ 0 comments }

Reflections on Creativity

September 3, 2017

When we’re involved in a creative task, there is a sense of time. Being fully in the now is a blessing that keeps our soul alive, because in that moment we are in touch with the eternal, we hone into home.  Matisse said, “I believe in God when I’m working.”  The great mystic William Blake [...]

0 comments Read the full article →

Are You Afraid of Your Own Shadow?

August 2, 2017

In the darkness of anything external to me, I find an interior psychic life that is my own. (C.G. Jung) One of the most painful and rewarding experiences in life is to unblinkingly look in the mirror and see who we really are, not who we would like to be.  There we truly stand alone; [...]

0 comments Read the full article →

Where Is Your Passion?

December 12, 2015

“What Fascinates and Terrifies At The Same Time Is The Way Of The Soul” -Unknown Poet   Obviously this statement doesn’t suggest that we act out some form of neurotic or deviant obsession, nor is it a call to sell the farm and hightail it to Tahiti with a 22-year-old.  This poetic line refers to [...]

8 comments Read the full article →

Can you Forgive Yourself? Can You Forgive Others?

October 12, 2015

L et’s just hope the old saying ‘the darkest hour is before dawn’ is true, because 2008 has been a very dark year. What on earth is going on in our present day culture ? Our outgoing administration, who suffered from the disease of conceit, has left a hell of a mess behind. Poverty, homelessness, [...]

4 comments Read the full article →

How Is Your Relationship?

August 12, 2015

The Past Does Matter When It Raises Havoc In The Present When we fall in love, we never think this source of joy will ever come to an end. Why is it then so rare for a couple to grow old together in continuing love, a love that lasts a lifetime ? It seems the [...]

2 comments Read the full article →

The Age of Anxiety

June 12, 2015

W H. Auden tagged this time in history as ‘The Age of Anxiety’ and I understood what that meant when I lived and worked in L.A. from the mid-seventies to the late eighties. What I saw then still is true today. A lot of people racing around in frantic activity, going from meeting to meeting, [...]

5 comments Read the full article →

Pssssssstttt……..Want a Little ECSTASY?!

June 6, 2015

Gotcha!! Relax, I’m not talking about the drug nor am I inviting you to a rave. However, I am talking about that awesome human experience called joyful Ecstasy… that divine gift that lifts us out of our ordinary reality and man, can we use some lifting these days. Ecstasy and joy have transformative power, which [...]

2 comments Read the full article →

Do You Like Your Work?

April 12, 2015

There are many mid-lifers who are at times concerned about an impoverished retirement or worse (i.e. having a fantasy of pushing a shopping cart around). The economic reality for most of us is that we have to work almost all of our lives. Sisyphus was punished by the gods. He had to push a stone [...]

2 comments Read the full article →